dont get it twisted.....its the performance model

by iroc2 Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:46 pm

http://dubuque.craigslist.org/cto/1841050096.html

heres the ad:

Toyota Celica GT, don't get it twisted, this is the performance model - $1000 (Dubuque)

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Date: 2010-07-13, 3:11PM EDT
Reply to: sale-8s37p-1841050096@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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I'm actually ashamed that it's come to this, but it's finally time to sell my beloved Toyota Celica GT.

Don't be scared of it's intimidating demeanor, this car is as amazing as it looks.

Just kidding. It's better.

I like to put the bad shit out there right away, because I'm not much of a fuckaround kinda guy, so let's get this over with:

The bad:

* It's rusty, like you when you haven't gotten laid in a few months. Buying this Toyota will fix that problem for you, unfortunately the car will remain rusty. Chassis and floors are solid.

* It's dirty. And no, I'm not going to wash it.

* It's banged up, like your mother in the 60's.

Now, let's talk about the GREAT features.

- The AC. This shit is colder than a case of your favorite beer. In fact, if you buy the car, I'll buy you a case of beer. My choice though. Not that I can condone drinking and driving, but you're not going to get pulled over in this gem. They'll only assume that you can afford the finest legal aid, and know you will win in court anyway. Why bother?

- Sony compact disc player (CD, for the youngsters). With technology like this, who needs an iPod? It doesn't play MP3s because CDs sound better.

- It has tires. And Integra wheels on the front. They provide more traction for the holeshot, and save you about 15 pounds. Tires are decent.

- Automatic transmission. With 4 gears including overdrive! Enjoy the smooth shifting Toyota drivability.

- 115 horsepower, 4 cylinder engine. Doesn't use any oil. It's quiet. Starts every time. Every fucking time. Provides some acceleration.

- Includes at least $3.00 worth of cans, bottles, and change. There may be some champagne bottles stuffed under the seats. It's a classy ride, gotta drink classy drinks.

- Has headlights. That's right, you can even take your lady out for a night on the town in this gem! Speaking of that, bitches LOVE this car. They can't get enough, always calling me and telling me they want more Toyota. Or maybe they just nicknamed my dick Toyota, because it's small and fast. But either way, they wanted more.

- Security system. It's ugly. I guarantee no one tries to steal it.

- 35 mpg. I know whoever buys this will probably have tons of money in offshore bank accounts, but there's no sense in wasting it all. Be more efficient, buy my GT.

- Would make a great parting gift for your son or daughter if they're going to college. Shit, it makes a great parting gift for anyone you're never wanting to speak to again, because they won't once you give them this! Or herpes. Nobody likes an STD.

This really has been an amazing car. I've done nothing but change the oil and put gas in it for 2 months while I was finishing my BMW. It has 120k miles, everything works as it should, starts everytime, has never left me stranded, the AC is awesome (actually better than my BMW), an it's just a low key, reliable car. Yes, it's uglier than your ex girlfriend, but hey, you paid for that once too.

If you're interested (in the car, not me), you can call, or text

563-484-4293

Or email me. Either way I'll get it instantly on my iPhone, which is worth more than this car. Also for sale, but you can't drive my iPhone to work, so spend your 1000 dollars wisely, and buy my car.

Priorities, assholes, priorities.

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